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Things I think about walking home from work…

Posted on February 27, 2006 | Filed Under Randomness

It is so nice to be able to walk home IN THE SUN from work. Well, from the skytrain stop at least. When it gets a bit nicer out maybe Ill take some running shoes and actually walk all the way…It is really great to get some fresh air after being at work all day and I really like walking by myself for some reason. Maybe because I like to walk kinda slow and most people dont.

As I walked I thought about why I havent been writing much on here. In the last month or so I have thought of lots of stuff to say, but havent really solidified it in my brain enough to write out. Lately I am happy to see that lots of friends have been commenting and it appears more people read this than I realized. So, that does inspire me to get more of my thoughts out of my brain where they hide and out into the universe to share with all of you. But I think one of the things that has been stopping me is that when I come on here I am reminded of the absence of a friend who was one of first blogs that I read and got me interested…and maybe Ive just been procrastinating.
I take a long time to make decisions, as most of my friends know who keep asking me about when our wedding is. Its not always that I am procrastinating making the decision, I am just really slow at it. I like to think things through too much and have all the pros and cons clear in my head. I need time to have ideas float around in my brain and let them mature, like good wine. While spontaneity can be good sometimes, Im not really that good at it. I do really like having my short term life planned out- what Im doing today, what groceries to buy, what we are doing this weekend and next week. But when it comes to long term planning Im really bad at it.
During school I was one of the people who needed the pressure of writing the paper the night before in order to get it done. Trying to get it done a day ahead to proofread was a big challenge. So maybe I just need a sense of urgency in order to get big stuff done. And that is one thing holding me back from planning our wedding down to the last detail right now, because I know that Jeremy and I are going to be together forever already, and feel no urgency to have a ceremony whose main goal is to proclaim that to our friends and family…Im pretty sure they already know we’re sticking together Of course I want our wedding to be special and perfect, but I dont know what that will be yet.

Another area that is being affected by my slow decision making is my career, or lack of one. I would say right now I have a job, not a career. I have been lately had the little idea-let of going back to school. But not for a masters in anthropology, as I dont think the academic route is the right one for me. I am actually kind of enjoying my business-related job, in that, I think I could be really happy in a different office with a similar position…But the thought of going to business school full time does not sound very pleasant. I certainly dont miss school at all, but I know that to progress in any sort of business situation I would need some schoolin. And its not my idea of fun to quit my job and use our savings for school…so the option would be part time courses while working full time…I think I need to think about that option for a few more days, weeks, months, before it becomes a fully developed desire.

There was a lot more to this post while I was thinking it out in my head, but I cant remember it now…I do that all the time, writing letters in my head and then forgetting them. When someone makes me mad, I usually let it go, and then write them a nasty letter in my head later that night when Ive got it thought out. It means I usually dont think of a snappy comeback until later when it is useless, so my comebacks are usually lame like ” oh ya, well, so are you!”

~Laura

Just in case there was any doubt

Posted on February 20, 2006 | Filed Under Nerding Out

Train ride.

Posted on February 18, 2006 | Filed Under Dreams

Dream last night:

I was with a large group of people: friends from work in Victoria (Karina, Jacqueline etc) and new friends here in Van (Chris, Mel etc) and a few people from high school and a few characters from tv (Faith from Buffy). It was as if these people made up a school class and we were going on a trip on a train. Im sitting in the train, looking out the windows, and I say “Looks theres a turkey!” I saw one sitting on the train tracks that we were passing. Everyone rolls their eyes at me, and then I realized it was just a sign (billboard?) and that there were lots of them all in a row. Then it is as if I am standing still and the train is going through me. (Very strange sensation!) As each cart of the train goes through me, I push down the wall at the end and get to the next room, until I reach the very front (or back?)where the two train drivers were. I ride the rest of the way sitting with them. We reach our destination: a big rocky area at the foot of a mountain. There is no dock or train platform, we have to crawl down the rocks. We reach a dirt trail and we run up it to the top where there is a house that we can safely stay in. For some reason Chris crawls in through the window instead of the door. It is now that we are living in this place at the top, and there is a evil town of dwarfs living at the base of the mountain. We set up camp in this house, Karina and Faith cooking bacon and talking about love. There is a cat there, and I think it was a talking cat…We are preparing for war with the evil dwarves, and eventually there is a big battle, but I wake up during it.

Anaylsis:
Well, Jeremy and I were gonna take the train to San Francisco, but decided against it? Good thing, there might be evil dwarves at the end of the ride.

Sick again.

Posted on February 17, 2006 | Filed Under Rants

So…Jeremy is sick again. After fighting a fever on Tuesday it has turned into a sinus cold. With all the vitamins and vegetables we have eating, is it possible we just have horrible immune systems? I have psoriasis and I think that is connected to my immune system, but what can I do? Is our apartment building full of mold?

I just cant stop thinking that the colds/sicknesses we have been fighting this winter are connected to us taking a crowded skytrain every morning. In the last three weeks I have been both wet-sneezed on (on the skytrain some guy sneezed ALL OVER my hand as I was holding onto a bar) and had a street person spit in my face as I walked by her (causing me to convulse with grossed-out-ness until I got home and washed my hands and face three times). And Im not even going to address the level of rude-ness it takes to do either of those things to someone.

Besides spending the money for a private chaffeured limosuine every morning there is really no way to stay away from all the germ monkeys out there.
Last week Jeremy asked me why we (as a culture) dont use those face masks that Ive seen mostly Asian people use. It may look funny, but really it is the most polite thing you could do! It says, “I am well enough to be out walking around, but i am being considerate enough not to share my mucus with you while I am sick.”

Please keep your mucus to yourself. I have enough to deal with managing my own (with hayfever starting soon.)

Monday

Posted on February 15, 2006 | Filed Under Friends

The memorial for Laura on Monday was beautiful. The things that hit me the hardest were the readings of letters people had written to her.

One example was the letter her mom and dad wrote, remembering Laura as she grew up. They recounted a memory of Laura when she was 3. Her grandma had sewed her a little outfit and had forgotten to take out a pin from the pants. Laura wore them all morning with the pin pricking her until her mom found out later that day. They said that even at that young age, Laura would suffer pain in silence in order not to disrupt others. That made me cry.

Afterwards, Neil set up a slideshow of photos of Laura and that was really wonderful. Lots of funny photos that made us all laugh and smile. I hope that the day was healing and helpful to us all.

In Retrospection

Posted on February 13, 2006 | Filed Under Randomness

The minister wished for us that — metaphorically — the wind would be at our backs, but — literally — the wind is coldly blowing against my downcast face. The coincidence that it’s windy on yet another emotionally significant day of my life gives me shivers.

In an instant, I remember that we’re all only temporary. One moment, there’s thought. The next, something completely different; indescribable due to it being purely incomprehensible. The idea makes my mind shake along with my body.

Laura holds me. My head reels with fear. And finally, after a week of not understanding why I wasn’t doing it, I cried.

~j

Update

Posted on February 9, 2006 | Filed Under Day to day, Friends

I am doing much better. The gathering at Neil and Laura’s house on Monday was somehow comforting, to be able to give Neil a hug and feel that we were there for him. Neil told us that the memorial on Monday will be a celebration of Laura’s life and  I am looking forward to going and being a part of that.

Last night was the first night in a while that Jeremy and I spent an evening at home and cooked dinner here. We have been at various friend’s places for dinner since Saturday. I made spinach salad and chicken and apple crisp for dessert

Jeremy and I started planning our mini-vacation for March, and I think we are going with San Francisco, so that should be great. Im looking forward to a get-away.

Had a really good day at work because I had a nice long meeting with my manager and was told that in the next couple weeks they will be hiring someone to take over my job, and Ill be moving to the elusive promotion. Yay! I get to keep the parts of my job I like and get rid of the stuff I dont, and a little pay raise, so it will be great. I hope…

I’m so looking forward to tomorrow. No work. Puttering around home. Baking birthday cake. It will be wonderful.

~Laura.

shock

Posted on February 5, 2006 | Filed Under Friends

I am having trouble believing it but we lost a friend on Friday. It is exactly 14 days since I spent the whole day with Laura, having fun and shopping at metrotown, and now she is gone. When we parted ways she was so cute, looking at me like she was unsure if I was a friend who liked hugs or not. I gave her a big hug.

Our thoughts are with Neil and Laura’s family.

Cat and Her Human Slaves Seek New Apartment

Posted on February 4, 2006 | Filed Under The Apartment, Day to day

Even though it would be much more entertaining to those of you reading this site, Laura and I have decided that continuing to live in our current apartment isn’t going to work for much longer. My goal is to move out by June, which the owner of our current apartment has said would be convenient for her.

This comes from the realization that even though we’re saving like mad, buying our “dream house” is more than just a few months away. That, and house prices are ricockulous right now. Aaaand that our neighbours suck. And that the building smells like rat poison and old people. Or, maybe it’s just some deep-seated (or is that “-seeded”?) nomadic urge. I also feel really self-concious of the place lately to the point of not wanting to have people over to socialize.

We started reading through the classifieds and on craigslist yesterday, and actually saw a place in Chris and Mel’s building (well, the other tower) after work on Friday. I find it interesting that the sales lady exagerated the square footage by about 100 sq.ft. compared to what’s listed on the floorplan on the website (590 sq.ft.). She’s also bat-shiat crazy and made several blatantly racist comments during our tour. Regardless, I think Laura and I both agree that it’s not the place for us: it felt way too cramped/closed and would be difficult to arrange our stuff in. Can’t beat the location, though: 4 blocks from Laura’s and my work places. I’ve also never heard any other people in the neighbouring suites when visiting Chris and Mel’s, which given our current “negative” circumstances is basically a requirement ;). If we don’t find anything cool this month, i’d be willing to see what comes available in March/April in that building for those two reasons.

Anyway, if you know any places available in the Downtown, “South Main” (around 10th to 20th ave), or Kits areas please let us know. Must allow a cat. Laura insists on a deck, but i honestly don’t know how much it would get used. I personally would really like a big, anonymous building full of renters that can’t bother us due to the thick walls ;). One thing we can both agree on is that there must be a dishwasher :). No house, ground-floor, or basement suites — too many bad experiences with those. 650 sq.ft. minimum (laura says 800) in 1 or 2 bedrooms, depending on the layout.

In other news, my chronic tonsilitis seems to have gone away for now; it’s been over 2 weeks since i’ve had any symptoms. Woo hoo! to getting better.

~j

Wild Dog Ranch

Posted on February 3, 2006 | Filed Under Dreams

Dream from last night:

I was downtown Victoria in a restaurant or bar that was similar to a library, people ordering food, but sitting at big library tables eating and reading. I was trying to leave, to pay my bill. It was pouring rain outside and I was fumbling with my wallet, bag, umbrella etc. So I got up from my table, dropped my umbrella, picked it up, went to pay, realizing I had left my bag at my table. Went back to get my bag, dropped my umbrella again. On my way back to the bar to pay, I ran into my old friend from elementary school Mary and her mom. (When we were little her mom was a substitute teacher, and sometimes subbed our classes) They both had their arms full of books, cause they were both teachers now. I said “Hi Mary, Hi Joan” (how can i remember her mom’s name after all this time?) and promptly dropped my umbrella again, feeling like a big dork/clutz. They looked at me snottily and then turned around ignoring me. I got all upset at the snub and went to stumble out the door, dropping various things as I went. Made it out into the rain and wind, and made my way up Douglas St (main downtown street in Vic) to my work Chapters (where I used to work a long time ago.).

Dream is shifting gears now, as Chapters morphs into my current job here in Vancouver. So Im at work here with all my real life work people. One woman, lets call her Anne, decided she wants to go home for lunch. We all let her, knowing it will take her HOURS to walk home. Time passes and its somehow the weekend and we are headed to her house for a party (in real life she is actually having a party this weekend). We are driving there in a guy’s big van, and somehow North Vancouver turns into the African savannah, with tall yellow grasslands, and dirt roads. Grassland turns to mountains and we pass Anne halfway up this mountain and dont pick her up…she has been walking since she left work i think. We get up the mountain to her house/ranch and the van disappears. We are hiking up this dirt path looking at all the wild animals around, giraffes and vultures. Grass is tall and we know there are more animals hiding in it. All of a sudden we are surrounded by wild dogs, or maybe hyenas…Anne catches up to us and yells “DONT RUN, the wild dogs will get you”…well yah, we noticed! So we try to scare them away, yelling and kicking at them and somehow we start running away through the ranch to her house, with the hyenas biting our heels.

I woke up when I realized we werent getting away from them and I didnt want to dream about being eaten by wild dogs.

Analysis:

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